Wino Rarebit
I made this from leftovers. Most people are unlikely to have left‐overs like this. But it’s an easy shop.
What a creep.
Ingredients
Cheese. 1/4 of a block. Can be rubbish cheese, but not fake. Cheddar is fine
Knob of spreadable butter
Wine. Two tablespoons, to a cup
Mustard. Any will do, but smooth English, made from powder, is best
Worcester sauce, tablespoon
Sultanas
Some kind of brownbread
Tools
Grater, or grating ability. I hate graters, but this needs one
Method
Grate the cheese. Could be enough to make you puke, but maybe not
Mix cheese, butter, wine and mustard in a big bowl. You need enough wine to get the mix a bit slimy, not sticky. Dilute with milk if you don’t have enough wine
Toast one side of the bread
Flip the bread, put on a few raisins, cover with lumps of the cheese stuff. No need to be accurate, in fact better if you keep the heap of cheese to the middle of the toast, because otherwise it will drip into the oven and trays, making a burn that takes wire‐wool to remove
Toast for a minute or so, it will melt and go brown no trouble
Variations
The classic is not wine, it is beer. And a lighter cheese like a Welsh cheese, or Lancashire, which is not always light but toasts superb. Go for it
Worcester sauce is right, but if you can’t—and I admit it can be difficult to summon if you have none—a spoon of brown sauce will do. Or any dark sauce, preferably fishy
For the life of me I don’t know why sultanas work, but they do. You could maybe get away with raisins, I’m not sure
Rarebit is sometimes suggested with bacon or ham. I find this way too much, unless you have shreds left over. I’d go for fried leeks, or an onion chutney. Extras should probably go underneath the cheese
Obviously, a big slice of real bread is better, but anything from the breadbin will do
Feedback
The three rules of rarebit,
Move carefully. Rarebit flows, rarebit burns
Never serve alone. Rarebit is an extremely addictive substance. It can block arteries, cause arrhythmia and heart attacks
Don’t eat after midnight. Unless you got the next day off work and don’t mind meeting giant rabbits or staring at a ceiling for a hundred years. Or staring at giant rabbits in the ceiling for a hundred years