Orange Stuff

Oranges are magic. But the magic is lost because of cheap imports. And who wants to eat cold messy fruit in autumn? Which is why we came to a fridge tray which held eight or nine oranges heading for the bin.

Then I realised I couldn’t think of any orange dishes. And whatever I cooked must be Halal, so Cointreau is out.

Ingredients

• Oranges

• Oat biscuits (standard supermarket, like Hobnobs), half‐packet

• Two or three big spoons of butter

• White sugar, half a cup

• Chopped nuts. I’d go for strong nuts like peanuts or walnuts, not almonds or pecans

If you want butterscotch,

• Three big spoons of butter

• Brown sugar, half‐cup

• Evaporated (not condensed) milk, small tin

• Vanilla extract (optional)

• Salt, especially good salt (optional)

Tools

• Chopping board and sharpest knife you have

• Some kind of tray. I used what gets called an oven dish, but any tray or ceramic bowl

• Fridge

For butterscotch,

• Pan for sauce. Choose medium or large size, because butterscotch will bubble up

Method

1. Peel the oranges, then slice across the segments into three or four. Then break the segments. Pieces a bit bigger than a thumbnail. This is a job that will put you in a bad mood, especially if the knife is blunt

2. Put the biscuits into a plastic bag, then take out your frustration from the oranges, and mash them. Use your fists, tread on them, a rolling pin, whatever. You want lumps, not dust

3. Melt butter in the pan, then throw in the sugar. Let it all melt, go hot and bubbly, maybe toast a bit

4. Tip in the orange bits and juice, let it cook. You want the sugar to be getting into the lumps, and the outside broken down, but not a stew. Take off the heat then stir in the biscuit bits

5. Pour everything into the tray. Top with nuts and push them in. Then put the tray in the fridge

For butterscotch,

• Melt the butter, add the sugar, melt the sugar. The sugar must melt, not be sandy, and start to bubble

• Tip in the can of milk and stir like mad until proper mixed

• Now let it bubble for about ten minutes. If you have a thermometer, 225°F. Cold water test is ’thread’ stage, but I figure there’s too little to be bothered. Sing two songs, see if it looks brown and sticky, and that’s done

• Let it cool then mix in some vanilla extract and a few grains of salt

If you’re using the butterscotch, pull the orange stuff from the fridge, mix some butterscotch in, then back into the fridge.

Variations

• I guess some people would use ginger or cinnamon. Not for me

• If spirits are acceptable, stir a dram into the cooling sauce. Whiskey is obvious but I think vodka might be good too. Vodka—I can see the recipe moving in a different direction (spun sugar)

• You can microwave butterscotch. Three mins

• I’m not convinced by butterscotch. Simple toffee may be more my taste, especially hard toffee and/or spun toffee

• One tin of milk makes way too much butterscotch. Try melting a Crunchie Bar instead (untested)?

Feedback

Still nobody wanted to eat oranges, even made into an obvious dessert that looked good. But the reaction was different when everyone tried it, “It’s good!”, “More?”. Against my taste judgement, the butterscotch went down a treat. If I can be faffed with the oranges, next time I make more.