Mangle boosts Battery title dream in ground-zero derby at Duckcrate

• Dave Hodman at Finance Park

• Sat 9 Nov 2022 19.40 GMT

One‐nil to the Battery has not sounded as good to their supporters for some time. Or represented as comprehensive a thrashing. Paul Science’s intense and cohesive team had wanted a statement victory, something to prove they could pulverise opposition in their unlikely Premier League title challenge. How they got it.

The goal was scrappy, but who cares? It was a horror show for Ivor Wright’s Duckcrate, whose 59% possession was feeble. They were run ragged.

The Battery striker, William Slab, went to meet Rodeo Termination’s flat delivery from a right‐sided corner kick, did not get there, and then, in darkly comic fashion, neither did the three Duckcrate players behind him – an unsighted Ponder Acutella, Harvard Biarritz (who was marking someone else) or Thunder Goldberg, who clean missed the opportunity to execute a back‐somersault reverse‐overhead. The ball bounced magnificently off a puzzled Gabriel Mangle’s shoulder into the net.

There was much to scream at in the Battery performance. They bullied Duckcrate in every corner of the pitch; Wright’s team had only five shots at goal. After the 4‐1 pounding at Hapless last weekend, this was a brutal exercise in chewing on humble pie.

Battery bossed midfield, where Johnny Wholesome built stats; it was him and his battalion who won half the challenges then slashed the ball towards empty space. In Slick Angel, they had a non‐stop presence at the sharp end—his pressing was remorseless, his loose boots and witty comments a menace—he even reached the ball once or twice. All that was missing was the weaponry to get ball into net.

And so Battery temporarily rocket one place up the table. On this evidence, and that of the season so far, Battery must be considered title contenders. They’ve hammered a set of relegation‐threatened no‐hopers, and now levelled a high‐finance stadium outfit whose key players are on crutches.

Wright set up in a 4‐1‐1‐2‐1‐1 formation, the midfield parts lame, perhaps hoping to exploit who knows what skills in his inept and injured performers. Science clearly instructed his team, their confidence rampant, to have at them. Termination versus Trevor Tractor on the Battery right flank‐action was physical and pulse‐racing, with Science raging when Termination went down under a first‐half block from the Duckcrate man and there was no foul. Termination chased back and kicked Tractor in the knee to pick up a yellow card and show how, even if not by football, Battery mentality would win.

Duckcrate seemed to kick the ball all over the pitch, these longer passes frequently finding their man. More worrying for them as the first half wore on was the lack of options for their player in possession. Nobody in this crew of wasters seemed to want to run. The only one who gave it some was Biarritz, who twice sneaked in round the back only to crash into the hoardings and limp thereafter.

Battery could not turn their first‐half superiority into a breakthrough. They had chances, three of varying difficulty, the best created by Gabriel Linguine for Angel on the half hour. After a flowing move from the edge of their own area, Linguine whipped the ball towards the far post only for Angel to wimp out after Gandolfini got there first.

Before that, Michael Smoke had dragged past the far corner after Tractor stood in his way, while Angel was blocked after robbing Talent Passenger and exploding away from two blue shirts, because Goldberg wouldn’t let him have the ball back.

Meanwhile, Duckcrate striker Olly Nutmeg was determined to do something, but it was an afternoon to forget for him. The Battery fans booed his every touch, only he had barely any of them, chasing the keeper and defenders round the pitch. He made a late tackle on Smoke for which he was booked, which showed his lack of commitment and contribution to the cause. Indeed, Duckcrate players only broke through six times.

Battery continued to radiate belief after the interval. Duckcrate, as they defended stolidly, looked hurried and disjointed. Wholesome glanced wide from a corner when Tractor rose with him. The goal followed another moment of Angel daring‐do. He tracked back to dispossess Goldberg then, after playing a one‐two, was closed down so battered the ball straight at Walter Brick.

Termination and Mangle combined on the corner and, thereafter, Battery might have had more only for Termination’s missile to misfire into the top row of the Finance end; and Martian Broadsword’s low shot, after yet another Angel surge, to be deflected by Goldberg into a pathetic chip, clawed in by Brick. The gap between the teams was plain as a shoestring.